Since my childhood I am being told about life: it is giving and taking. You give and that gives you the right to take something in return. We give and take! I do something for you and you do something in return for me, some sort of forced scoring-system. You drive the car when we go on a trip, I will drive next time. Somebody comes to help you with a job, you’ll help the other one in return. I come to visit you and next time you bring me flowers in return…. exhausting and purely based on ratio.
I personally didn’t dare to ask for help. If someone once would ask me to come over and help me I said : “NO”. I had my own theories: you should never ask anyone if they needed help, but just do it, help them. But by doing so you bumped into their boundaries so that didn’t work either. Again I just said NO if somebody offered me a helping hand. Imagine that they expected me to help them in return….running my own job was enough for me and that cup was already always running over, so you could state: I already had enough on my plate.
Giving was not the problem and something I was good at. Doing good to others. Helping someone or giving something to someone, in fact I started to give even larger gifts every time.
Actually this was the result of a kind of arrogance. A great feeling of being independent. I was very scared of being dependent on someone else, I needed nobody and I arranged my own affairs.
Until…
Until my husband and I came to an all time low moment. I, who often said to other people; ”I pay the bill”, I couldn’t even do that anymore.
One night I wanted to meet up with someone. But, who was waiting for me to show up ? I couldn’t say; “let us meet here or there…and I invite you and the bill is on my behalf” …because I had almost no money and had to count every penny. I felt so small, but anyway I send a message to my niece and asked; “can we have a drink somewhere?” Not in a restaurant please because I have no money to go there.” She said; ”you can come to me, I’ll pay for you!” I said; “ Really? Do you really want to pay for me?” I, who was always so generous could not believe she said that and to recieve…… One day, we would go out for dinner with my tennisteam but I signed out. I told them; “I am so sorry girls, I cannot afford this now, Iam so low in cash.” But the answer I recieved was: ”come on, you have to join us, and we join togheter to pay your bill as well” Seriously, I felt sooo small about this but also very thankfull.
Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, i twill be measured to you. Luke 6:38
To give and recieve Love
The moment that you give and cannot recieve, a form of resentment can rise in your heart. A bitterness that an other person can easily recieve while hardly giving anything. No time, no gifts or flowers, not helping others or anything that I found difficult to manage. In fact, then you give more than you recieve! I discovered that I could not give without recieving back but only to give. It was all about to BE someone, it was part of my desire to be known and seen.
Whatever you do, work at it wit all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will recieve an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colosians 3:23-24
In that difficult stage in my life I learned to recieve. Up to this day I find it hard to recieve and to say…”thank you, so sweet that you had me in mind”. “So nice that you take time for me” –or- “great that you choose this present for me that fits so perfectly, or thank you for the compliment on my behalf!” and that I can recieve these words and compliments without having 3 critical points passing my mind.
Giving and recieving
Giving with love right from your heart. And recieving from someone else who is giving from a kind and loving heart. For me, it is a real present when somebody can recieve what I have to give.
And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work 2 Cor 9:8
Prayer: Thank you Lord that I recieve enough to share with others. Learn me to give with love more and more and to recieve in thankfullness. Amen.
